Mercy... Essential to a Christ-Centered Fellowship

“Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Let us remind ourselves that every fellowship, whether big or small, is made up of imperfect people; therefore, conflict is inevitable. Hurt will soon follow. The issue is how do you handle the hurts? How will you handle these inevitable conflicts that will erupt when they are least expected, as the growth groups grow and mature together? How you handle these conflicts will determine whether the growth groups will split up or stay together. How do you handle the life situations and conflicts of life? Give mercy!

Colossians 3:13 | Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

The motivation for mercy is God’s mercy over you and me. If you are a follower of Jesus, you HAVE to show mercy to people when they ask for forgiveness. 

“I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. ~ Psalm 116:1-2 [NIV]

You are not called to trust them. In fact, it’ll take some time for the Holy Spirit to work in your life to trust someone who betrayed you; but trust and forgiveness are two different matters. Forgiveness must be immediate. Trust is built over a long period of time. When someone hurts you, they have repeatedly hurt you, you are commanded to forgive them instantly. But you are not commanded to trust them instantly. So you forgive them and then they must earn trust, that will take time, sometimes a very long time!

Colossians 3:12 | Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

Just as God has commanded us to clothe in humility, again He shares with us to clothe ourselves “with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience!” Clothing is personal, close to us, and it covers us where ever we go. Characteristics mentioned in Colossians 3:12 must be present with us at all times through the power of the Holy Spirit. When you’ve been hurt deeply, you’ve got a choice. You can use your energy to get back at him, or you can use energy to reconcile. Here is the reality of forgiveness: You will never be asked to forgive anyone more than God has forgiven you! And every relationship and growth group requires overflow of forgiveness. There is no such thing as over dosing when it comes to forgiveness!

As disciples of Jesus, we are called to forgive people even before they ask. Why? Because we follow Jesus, who is love! And 1 Corinthians 13 says that love does not keep arecord of being wronged... “love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through EVERY circumstances!” [emphasis added]

How are you doing on mercy? How is your growth group showing mercy? How are you doing in the area of forgiveness? And here’s a personal question: who do I need to forgive? There is no genuine fellowship in marriage, in a family, in a growth group, in a church - no genuine fellowship is possible without forgiveness because you are going to be hurt and you are going to hurt someone! Disciple Church, may we become a merciful church, for without it, Christ-Centered deep relationships will elude us... But with mercy, as many of you already are experiencing, you and I will continue to journey together in meaningful and significant  Christ Centered relationships as a family of God! Blessings!

HUMILITY... ingredient to deeper relationships

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. ~ C. S. Lewis

It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels. ~ St. Augustine.

How do you develop Christ-Centered Relationships that are deep and significant? Like any great dish from your favorite restaurant, right ingredients are essential to bring the most flavor. But mix the ingredient in wrong proportions and you get a mess. Put in too much salt and the dish is inedible. Too little salt and you will think twice about coming to pay money for unseasoned food. 

Pride is one of those ingredients that destroys relationships quicker than anything I know. Bible says in 1 Peter 5:5 | “...all of you, serve each other in humility, for ‘God opposes the proud but favors the humble’ So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.” [NLT] NIV says to ‘clothes yourself with humility’. Make sure you put humility and don’t take it off. When you go to your growth group, when you are with a group of friends, when you are with your family, put on your favorite clothes called humility if you want a deep and down to earth, life changing relationship. It’s what makes relationships work and thrive.

Paul writes in Romans 12:16 | “Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all.”

Friends, we are all ordinary people being used by an extraordinary God in an amazing way. We’re all ordinary people but by the grace of God, we’re able to serve Him and other in a wonderful way!

What exactly is humility? It’s about being honest about my weaknesses. We all have them. I don’t know everything. I don’t understand everything so let’s be honest about it.  Humility is being willing to admit it when I’ve made a mistake because we all do. Humility enables us to say the two most difficult words, “Forgive me”... three most difficult words, “I was wrong”... four most difficult words, “I need your help”...

James says that God opposes the proud but He gives grace to the humble. Don’t you want God’s grace in your life? I do! Bible says that it comes to the humble! It comes when I recognize I need God’s grace in my life all the time!

Now, in a growth group in relation to other people, who do you clothe yourself with humility?

1. Accept Weaknesses of Others.
   Are you perfect? I am not. Let’s stop acting like we are. Don’t expect people to be perfect. Let’s accept the fact that everyone has weaknesses like everyone else. Accepting each others weaknesses expresses humility towards them.
   
   
2. Give Credit to Others
   “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:” Philippians 2:3-5
   
   Romans 12:10 | “Love each other with genuine affection, and TAKE DELIGHT in HONORING each other.”
   
   Put the spotlight on other people. Everyone wants to feel like their life matters; everyone wants to be noticed. And when we put the spotlight on others instead of always putting it on us, you are giving room for humility to work its way to a deep relationship. Notice it says to honor EACH OTHER. If everyone is putting spotlight on each other, no one will go unnoticed at Disciple Church.
   
   Some of you may be coming to our church and you are thinking, man no one notices me. My growth group leaders doesn’t notice and my pastor doesn’t notice what God is doing through my life! Two things: 1. You have people in your growth group that you need to put the spotlight on. Help them to see the affirmation, the encouragement that you have. But for those  who are feeling unnoticed today, remember God notices you. God knows what you’re going through. Humility realizes that even if the spotlight isn’t on me, I can take joy in putting it on someone else. The spotlight on this earth doesn’t matter that much anyway. We are going to live in the light of His presence forever! That’s what the joy is. That’s what we are looking forward to!
   
   
3. Realize Your own Weaknesses
   Romans 12:3 | ... Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring your selves by the faith God has given us.
   
   We all have weaknesses - bunch of weaknesses, more than we want to admit. How do you demonstrate humility? You do it by humbly accepting suggestions and corrections from others.
   
   “He who listens to a life giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.” This one’s tough. I know. It’s a great idea theoretically. “I’d love to receive corrections,” we say... until we get it! Then it gets a bit tough doesn’t it?
   
   I still have old habits from my teenage years. One of them is leaving socks in a corner of my room until four or five socks stacks up before I put it in a laundry bin. I know, it’s childish. So once in awhile, my wife asks me in the most kind way... “Can you put your socks in the laundry bin. Don’t wait till it stacks up.” Again, she asks in most kind way... but you know what I am thinking... “How can she say that. You squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle...” Instead of receiving the correction I make excuses to accuse her of something.
   
   Now we have to break through this kind of thinking - “how could she/he say that about me?” We have to breakthrough that and listen. And more often than not, at least in my life, God uses most unlikely person to share life giving words. It’ll probably take place in your growth group, if it has not already. And when you listen to them, it’ll turn your relationships around, give you new heart and new directions.
   
   How would you rate yourself in this area? How is your group doing with humility? How are you doing in humility, which is directly related to acceptance. Rate yourself. 1 to 10, 10 being the strongest. If you have given yourself a “10”, you might want to read the questions real quickly again. What weaknesses do you find lacking in your life that’s hard to accept in others? You are not going to get close to anyone until you build the qualities we shared thus far into your life.

Courtesy

Sticks and stones are hard on bones

Aimed with angry art,

Words can sting like anything

But silence breaks the heart.

~Phyllis McGinley, "Ballade of Lost Objects," 1954

Genesis 2:18 | “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

God began the universe by uttering four simple words, “Let there be light.” And in six days, God created the heavens and the earth; and he took great pleasure in the trees and mountains, animals and fish, and heaven and the stars. He declared about all his creation, “Very good.” Everything was the way He wanted it to be - until his eyes fell upon the man. Man was created to be in an intimate relationship with God, who existed in perfect love and community with the Godhead; yet the man had no one to experience this community with someone that was like him. God said, “”It is not good for the man to be alone.” He needed someone. For he, and every human being that came after him, were created for intimate relationships that are deep and meaningful.

We shared last week how to develop deep and meaningful relationships, which we are calling Christ-Centered Relationships. How do we intentionally foster an environment where relationships are significant and meaningful, centered around the person of Jesus and the way of Jesus? We know that such relationships are not automatic, they have to be intentionally designed and intentionally pursued. So for the next few articles, we’ll continue to dive into the subject of how to develop Christ Centered Relationships in our Growth Groups at Disciple Church and in our life.

One of the seeds of Christ Centered Relationship is Courtesy. Thesarus.com defines courtesy as “social affection; respect and good manners.”  In fellowship we show respect even when we disagree with each other. You can disagree without being obnoxious. Titus 3:2 | ...to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. Paul is talking to Christ followers to have a certain kind of attitude as they work under someone.  However, this attitude  is not only towards our bosses but he says to ‘show perfect courtesy toward all people.’

Have you notice something though? In all groups, regardless of which group, and even in our Growth Groups, there is at least one difficult person. Are you thinking of him right now? Don’t stare at them at this moment. Difficult people think and communicate slightly different than everyone else in the group. Or they may be emotionally and socially insecure. They may have some irritable manners and behaviors. Sometimes they go under your skin and like to pitch a tent there. Other times, they can dominate a discussion with their issues. They are a little low on social skills. They’re the kind of people that need EG - Extra Grace. And in every group there is at least one. If you can’t think of someone immediately, there is a high probability, you might be the one! But know this, you are valuable and loved by us! 1 Peter 2:17a | Respect everyone, and love your Christian brothers and sisters... Real fellowship is built on courtesy. Every group is composed of imperfect people, so that they can help each other develop deep relationships that will encourage each other, so that our broken lives can be lived in this broken world together, not alone. 

The secret to courtesy is to understand the people in your group. Where are they coming from? And I don’t mean geographic location here, although that is important to know as well. Find out about them. What is their history? What are their circumstances? What’s their background? What’s their temperament like? When you know what they’ve been through you begin to understand more and more why they act the way they do and you’re able to be far more courteous to them.

A man and his 5 year old son were riding the subway train. While the man was sitting down and down trodden, his son was running all over the train yelling and screaming. He was being a 5 year old. Another man who was observing how the kid was behaving was extremely irritated. He  yelled at the dad, “How can you leave your son to run around like this in the train? He is irritating everyone. What kind of manners are you teaching your kid? Can’t you handle your 5 year old?” The dad simply looked at the man and said, “I am so sorry. I just lost my wife. My son just lost his mom. He does not know it. He is too young. I apologize.” 

Instead of looking at someone in your group and saying, “Look how far he has to go,” figure out where they’ve come from and celebrate how far they’ve come! That’s courtesy. At one point they didn’t follow Jesus. They may have just became a follower of Jesus in the last few years; and they may have spent many years outside of Christ’s fellowship. So look how far they’ve come! Don’t look at how far they need to go!

One of the common issues growth groups have is to harbor a tendency to fix problems in other people too quickly instead of just listening to them. We don’t want to listen. We want to fix problems. Job’s friends were far more loving and caring and courteous when they just sat next to Job for seven days in silence - mourning with him. Once they started to open their mouth to correct and teach, it just went downhill. Mr. and Mrs. Fix It need to learn to pray and seek God’s wisdom and pray and seek again before trying to fix someone up. If you don’t listen, no one will share. If you are too busy fixing problems, people don’t come back.

Men particularly have this tendency. I have learned this from 13 years of marriage to Yehee.  Yehee comes to me with a problem.  I used to immediately try to fix it.  Before she even had the sentence finished I was going, “Here’s what you do!  What’s your next problem?”  That always upset her.  It made her ticked off.  I discovered when my wife comes to me with a problem she doesn’t want a solution – at least not at the start.  She is just trying to process it out loud.  She just wants me to listen to her, validate her feelings and go, “Yes!  That’s a problem!  That is a whopper of a problem.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a problem that big.  If I were you I wouldn’t know how to solve that problem!”  Then she feels loved and affirmed.  I haven’t solved anything.  She doesn’t want me to solve it for her.  She wants me to listen.  She wants me to validate.  She doesn’t want me to jump the gun and be Mr. Fix  It.  

When you immediately jump the gun you’re basically saying to that person, “You’re an idiot.  Let me show you what you should have done.”  When you try to offer an answer too quickly, you’re saying, “ You’re dumb.  I’m smart.”  I figured this one out a long time ago.  

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:13 “Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.”  Some of you need to put that verse on your refrigerator.  The Bible says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  If you do the first two the third one is automatic.  If you’re quick to listen and you’re slow to speak you will be slow to anger.  

Courtesy is at times spelled: LISTEN. You prove you care by listening first. Be quick to listen, slow to speak. God gave you two ears and one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you speak!

As you think about your growth groups: How courteous is your group? Is it a good environment that models listening? Is it safe?

Personal Question: Who do I need to show more love and respect to in my group?

Romans 15:2 says, “We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord.”

“Build them up in the Lord...” I love it! May our growth groups be safe environments where we build each other up as we build Christ Centered Relationships that heal and encourage each other! I am glad that many of you are already experiencing such relationships. Thanks be to God. I love you DC! ~ P. Sam

A Simple Reminder

Repeatedly, I hear stats that pour out of our nation that suggest the majority of citizens in the United States identify themselves as followers of Jesus, Christians. In fact, I read of a survey that purported 90% of United States population were born again Christians. But let’s stick with the recent Gallup that says 77% of United States citizens identify themselves as Christians [http://www.gallup.com/poll/159548/identify-christian.aspx]. Are you rolling your eyes? Telling yourself, “Yeah...righhhttt?”

I mean, look around your city, read some national newspapers, and watch local news channels; and you will realize it certainly doesn’t look like 77% of us are Christians. It is said that the ocean is about 3.5% salt; and yet it keeps the water from rotting, preserving life. Jesus said that we are the salt of the world. If 77% of our nation really are Christians, our nation would be different and transformed; don’t you think? Think about cooking up any kind of dish with 77% base salt, it would make a difference don’t you think? I mean, if 77% of our nations citizens were Christians, not only our city, our state, our nation but our whole world would look more like the Kingdom of God!

The issue is how little followers of Jesus appropriate Jesus’ lifestyle. We save up all our worship for one day, Sunday. More specifically, 2 hours on Sunday morning, in a church service. Sometimes we spend the worship service checking Facebook, Gmail, fantasy football...etc., while worship service is taking place. Haven’t you been in a church service where people have whispered while the sermon is given [supposedly the message from God to us], messed around with the person next to them, and completely behaved as if God does not exist? I don’t know about you but I have. I remember being a Sunday morning Christian. Friday night Christian. "My mom forced me to church" Christian. But by in large, outside of the few times I was at church, no one would recognize me as a follower of Jesus. Is this what we see happening in the United States: Sunday morning Christianity? Do we see people who are disciples of Jesus for two hours a week; and then for the rest of the week, they follow their dreams, desires, egos, pride and purpose?

Now, I want to be completely clear! I am in no position to judge whether someone is a disciple of Jesus or not! That’s not my job nor do I have the ability to discern that. But considering how generous and loving God is, I get the feeling a lot of folks whom we might not consider devoted followers of Jesus, may very well be. After all, we are saved by grace, not by works! Thank God! Most of the time, our work isn’t much!

Think about Samson, a famous Hebrew judge in the Old Testament. He was probably an ordinary guy; not all ‘steroided’ out like we imagine, but a normal guy with maybe some chest hair, who was obsessed with shikas and prostitutes. I guess if he were to live today, he would be addicted to internet porn.  That was Samson’s Achilles' heel. In fact, in the Bible, he was a jerk. Killing people to pay off debt, lying to his girlfriend for fun, and setting up fire for revenge... but to our surprise God empowered him to get out of all the crisis created on his own. Ummm... say what? It just shows that God is much more forgiving than we are, and is willing to work with what he has.

Is Samson the image of American Christians -- self-centered, misdirected, confused, broken, and too busy pursuing the world and condemning others to love our neighbors? 

We don’t live like Jesus - supposedly our Master and the One we are called to imitate. That of course includes me! I spend way too much time preoccupied with my finances, my wants, and my dreams over enjoying God the Provider of all. And if you were honest, so are you. Compared with Jesus, our works are horrible... again thank you Jesus for grace - “Grace, grace, Lord I thank you for grace!”[old song that popped into my mind while writing this].

That’s why Disciple Church exists. It’s for those of us who are tired of thinking of God as a distant and apathetic One. It’s for those of us who hunger to recapture the first love that flowed through our veins when we first declared, “Jesus come into my life. I will live for you!” It’s for those of us who really want an intimate relationship with Jesus; and by relationship I mean actually walking and talking with him, not just believing a bunch of doctrines, as important as they are. That’s why I am so proud of those of you who serve at our community services that are offered, packing food for the hungry and ‘have not’ because that’s an expression of Jesus’ love. 

Disciple Church is for those whose circumstances are unbearable and don’t know what to do, hurting inside from the screwballs life throws at us at times because we want to be Jesus’ hands to comfort and embrace them. Disciple Church is for those who want an actual relationship with Jesus, the one that actually transforms lives inside out.  For those pursuing God at all cost for the glory of Jesus - trusting that Jesus will lead us to abundant and eternal life as he promised in the midst of tragedies and difficulties that exist in life. We want to be trained disciples of Jesus, going far beyond what we think we are capable, giving up time and energy and resources, because of our insatiable hunger and thirst for the beauty of Jesus who is all in all to be displayed in our midst! You want that too right? You want that for your kids as well, right? I want our belief to lead to action - becoming a daily follower of Jesus who interacts with the world and serves the world for which Jesus came to save.  I want us to be so empowered by the Holy Spirit, we can actually live out the calling as the first century Christians did in deeds and in power! Amen? I am so proud and thankful to those who make coffee, bake macaroons, clean the church, set up the stage, lead growth group and pray in the wee hours for our church! I am thankful to those who provide financial means to do all this; more often than not, timing has been divine! And I am proud of those who consistently, even though your schedule is packed and busier than most, come to be trained so you can serve as a passionate, no compromise followers of Jesus! Thank you.

Friends, it’s a friendly reminder why we started this whole thing few months ago. Let us not grow weary in doing what is good; rather let us spur each other up to do the work God has prepared in advance for us! Remember you are God’s poetry - emotion, creativity, and expression of His love to this world. I love you in Jesus! ~ Pastor Sam